✘ | 007 | VIDEO

[wecanavenge]

[Filtered away from Ivy]

[And early evening on Saturday, when he's sure he'll be able to catch the majority of the student body, everyone's device is going to light up and make noise. Because there will be no claims of ignorance on this since Erik has to give this speech; if he gets to deal with this subject, then so do you.]

Attention, students. Yes, all of you. Put down your video games and, yes, even your homework for the next five minutes, or I'll be forced to call an assembly. I know you don't want to waste your Saturday night in the auditorium anymore than I do.

[He clears his throat, and looks awkward for just a moment before rolling his eyes. How he pulled this lot he doesn't know, but he's going to have a little fun with it. Maybe a tiny bit unprofessionally but WHO'S JUDGING.]

You can all thank Mr. Kirk for this lovely discussion we're about to have, but it's come to my attention that the start of year request to avoid overly friendly interactions with our current forest protector wasn't quite enough for your simple minds to grasp. It's fallen to me [for some reason 8|] to remind you all that it would be best to stay out of the forest entirely. She does not take well to harm to her plants, and the school does not take well to calls from hysterical parents, asking how their perfect darling could possibly have developed poison ivy down there.

[And a pause where he pinches the bridge of his nose because maybe you assholes still aren't getting the picture, AND HE IS NOT DOING THIS AGAIN.]

Once more, students: Do not have sex with Ivy. Do not have sex with her in the forest. Do not have sex with her outside the forest. Do not find a loophole in which to have sex with her. Do avoid the forest all together. Do attend class, and study, and get back to your homework.

[And though he would DESPERATELY LOVE to leave it at that, he has to tack this on:] Are there any questions?

[He somehow sounds incredibly bored while managing to get across that anyone who actually asks may find themselves shoved off the roof in their next flight lesson.]

Comments

[ichoosefight]

I have a question.

Is it really poison ivy? Or is that just an excuse?

[wecanavenge]

You will absolutely develop a severe case of month long detention if you decide to test it.

Private

[cujothebigreddog]

It is not really poison ivy.

[Helpful and currently somewhat dazed Hendricks is helpful and currently somewhat dazed.]

[buywithme]

My mother has no phone. I presume this means I am exempt?

[wecanavenge]

Are you a student?

Video

[flawedgem]

[Her lips only twitch once, and then she looks perfectly serious.]

I don't see why all students should avoid the forest altogether. She's perfectly pleasant if you behave yourself.

Honestly, I think this could be a good general lesson: respect nature, wherever you are.

...And wear protection. [Yes, all right, she's smirking. Really, people.]

Video

[wecanavenge]

Perhaps you'd care to teach a general sexual education class, Ms. Gordon. I'm sure TA'ing will look good on college transcripts. [But also NO STOP This is the real reason schools preach celibacy, dnw to think about students' sex lives nope ew.]

[Private]

[wedonot]

[Charles is unapologetically laughing his head off. For a while, because just omfg lmao how on earth did you get this job.]

That's the most moving public service announcement I think I've ever heard.

[Private]

[wecanavenge]

[You're a dick and I hate you. B|]

You'll have to try to top me next time.

[Private]

[truth_is_cold]

[Video.

With this smile.

That is all.]

[Private]

[wecanavenge]

[Rhade. Bro. You jerk.]

Yes, I'm very glad I was able to entertain you.

[Anonymous note slipped under door]

[cujothebigreddog]

Venereal curses? Long term side effects even if you don't notice any now?

[wecanavenge]

[Sorry Hendricks, Erik's just posting a note on his door:]

Anonymity is for the internet. Medical questions can be directed to the infirmary.

[Video]

[sharpsuitfluffytail]

[Another amused teacher, sorry. At least he's not laughing now?]

And here I thought my announcement was bad. If this were a contest, you'd win. Hands down.

[Video]

[wecanavenge]

[He appreciates it. :|]

And here I was looking forward to a prize.

[chlorophylliac]

[Welp, some kid dropped his communicator in the woods and now all the filters in the world won't help you. This is public, video, and she's wearing a quantity of strategically placed flora that censors are currently calling 'not quite enough'.]

Erik, I am not sure I like what you're implying.

[Private]

[wecanavenge]

[Well, fuck. He is just making this private as fast as humanly possible.]

I'm only doing my job. It seems hormones have been running rampant as of late.

[hourglass_twin]

I have a question. Why would anyone want to have sex with her in the first place?

[wecanavenge]

Do you have a question that isn't meant to be cheeky?

[aggravating]

Uh. [Have this jackass raising a hand, Erik] Question, sir.

What, exactly, constitutes as sex? Are we drawing lines? Because usually the definition is tab A in slot B. Just wondering if slots A and C are in play here. Or tabs B and 2.

[Get it? Get it? He broke the letter rule for a- oh, you totally get it.]

[wecanavenge]

[No fuck you Tony go home.]

Sexual activity of any kind will not be tolerated, Mr. Stark.

action;

[thestarspangledman]

[And now Steve's just quietly facepalming.]

Tony, quit it.

[yeahscience]

...So, uh, does that mean that Kirk...

[chlorophylliac]

As a matter of fact it does not.

[demigoddess]

[ She's laughing for almost a good long minute. ]

Oh my god, this school. I cannot wait for the backlash.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but I'm gonna go ahead and try to forward this to everyone in my phone who's not a student right now. [ Or maybe she'll just save it. ]

[wecanavenge]

[How long do you want detention for Cassie B|]

You should try harder to be respectful, then.