✘ | 007 | VIDEO

[wecanavenge]

[Filtered away from Ivy]

[And early evening on Saturday, when he's sure he'll be able to catch the majority of the student body, everyone's device is going to light up and make noise. Because there will be no claims of ignorance on this since Erik has to give this speech; if he gets to deal with this subject, then so do you.]

Attention, students. Yes, all of you. Put down your video games and, yes, even your homework for the next five minutes, or I'll be forced to call an assembly. I know you don't want to waste your Saturday night in the auditorium anymore than I do.

[He clears his throat, and looks awkward for just a moment before rolling his eyes. How he pulled this lot he doesn't know, but he's going to have a little fun with it. Maybe a tiny bit unprofessionally but WHO'S JUDGING.]

You can all thank Mr. Kirk for this lovely discussion we're about to have, but it's come to my attention that the start of year request to avoid overly friendly interactions with our current forest protector wasn't quite enough for your simple minds to grasp. It's fallen to me [for some reason 8|] to remind you all that it would be best to stay out of the forest entirely. She does not take well to harm to her plants, and the school does not take well to calls from hysterical parents, asking how their perfect darling could possibly have developed poison ivy down there.

[And a pause where he pinches the bridge of his nose because maybe you assholes still aren't getting the picture, AND HE IS NOT DOING THIS AGAIN.]

Once more, students: Do not have sex with Ivy. Do not have sex with her in the forest. Do not have sex with her outside the forest. Do not find a loophole in which to have sex with her. Do avoid the forest all together. Do attend class, and study, and get back to your homework.

[And though he would DESPERATELY LOVE to leave it at that, he has to tack this on:] Are there any questions?

[He somehow sounds incredibly bored while managing to get across that anyone who actually asks may find themselves shoved off the roof in their next flight lesson.]

Comments

[wecanavenge]

Smart girl.

[ichoosefight]

You don't know, do you? Come on, aren't you at least curious if he got crabs from a plant woman?

[wecanavenge]

I'm sure you won't be surprised to discover that the number of times I actively wonder about my students' sex lives is zero.

[ichoosefight]

But what if it's going around? What if crabs is just running rampant through the woods?

[wecanavenge]

Ms. Brown, I'm afraid you've completely missed the point of the announcement. If that is a particular concern of yours, then I suggest you see the nurse. Immediately.

[ichoosefight]

Your announcement had unfulfilled potential.

[wecanavenge]

We're quite done here, Ms. Brown. Unless you'd like a detention every night for the rest of the week?

[ichoosefight]

I'm out. [ She has too many plans for detention! ]

[wecanavenge]

[That's what he thought. Damn kids, get off my lawn. B|]

man just jacking up all these threads

[chlorophylliac]

A 'plant woman'?

...crabs?

[Steph, you have about five seconds to reword with respect to the fact that Ivy has been around here since before your species' progenitors crawled out of the ocean.]

WHOOPS

[ichoosefight]

Uh, druid. Thing. Or whatever you are exactly, I never thought to ask.

Hello Ivy.

[chlorophylliac]

'Thing'? I am no druid, no sorcerer, no mortal. I am the living spirit of the forest. I was old when your entire race was a distant imagining, and I have protected this school for centuries, and in the absence of due respect I have no trouble with inducing fear.

[Two seconds, Steph.]

[ichoosefight]

I didn't mean that, I just... Words! I didn't words. I'm a moron. I meant no disrespect. I'm sorry. Really, really sorry.

[chlorophylliac]

Good.