✘ | 007 | VIDEO

[wecanavenge]

[Filtered away from Ivy]

[And early evening on Saturday, when he's sure he'll be able to catch the majority of the student body, everyone's device is going to light up and make noise. Because there will be no claims of ignorance on this since Erik has to give this speech; if he gets to deal with this subject, then so do you.]

Attention, students. Yes, all of you. Put down your video games and, yes, even your homework for the next five minutes, or I'll be forced to call an assembly. I know you don't want to waste your Saturday night in the auditorium anymore than I do.

[He clears his throat, and looks awkward for just a moment before rolling his eyes. How he pulled this lot he doesn't know, but he's going to have a little fun with it. Maybe a tiny bit unprofessionally but WHO'S JUDGING.]

You can all thank Mr. Kirk for this lovely discussion we're about to have, but it's come to my attention that the start of year request to avoid overly friendly interactions with our current forest protector wasn't quite enough for your simple minds to grasp. It's fallen to me [for some reason 8|] to remind you all that it would be best to stay out of the forest entirely. She does not take well to harm to her plants, and the school does not take well to calls from hysterical parents, asking how their perfect darling could possibly have developed poison ivy down there.

[And a pause where he pinches the bridge of his nose because maybe you assholes still aren't getting the picture, AND HE IS NOT DOING THIS AGAIN.]

Once more, students: Do not have sex with Ivy. Do not have sex with her in the forest. Do not have sex with her outside the forest. Do not find a loophole in which to have sex with her. Do avoid the forest all together. Do attend class, and study, and get back to your homework.

[And though he would DESPERATELY LOVE to leave it at that, he has to tack this on:] Are there any questions?

[He somehow sounds incredibly bored while managing to get across that anyone who actually asks may find themselves shoved off the roof in their next flight lesson.]

Comments

[Private]

[wecanavenge]

Several.

[Private]

[wedonot]

I can meet you after I finish grading these last few papers.

[Private]

[wecanavenge]

Don't take too long, or I may start without you.

[Private]

[wedonot]

I'll be right there, be patient.

[Spam]

[wecanavenge]

[AND IN HIS OFFICE Erik did not wait sorry but he grabbed you a beer bro and he just has his head in his hand because alkshfkjsadhfasd.]

[Spam]

[wedonot]

[Which Charles is focusing on first when he comes in to the office, frowning in concern as he comes over to sit down across from him.]

What's wrong?

[Spam]

[wecanavenge]

[Once he checks to make certain the door is closed, he rubs his face and looks at Charles. How do students.]

You know Barbara Gordon? I think she's got a crush on me.

[Spam]

[wedonot]

[YOU DO NOT DO THEM, THAT'S HOW. Word choice, Erik, God. D:]

What makes you say that?

[Spam]

[wecanavenge]

[OH GOD OPPOSITE OF WHAT THAT MEANT ASDFLJKH

But he's cueing up the conversation he had with her and sliding his device across to Charles.]

Tell me I'm wrong. Please.

[Spam]

[wedonot]

[Charles picks it up and reads through it, his eyebrows steadily inching towards his hairline as he continues.] Oh.

[He slides the device back over to his friend, frowning a little, expression somewhere between OH GOD WHY and what the hell is wrong with kids these days.] That's... concerning.

[Spam]

[wecanavenge]

I knew I'd hate high school. I ought to teach elementary school, before hormones kick in. [Pause. Wait. Oh god no he'd kill himself dealing with snot nosed brats.] Or college.

[Spam]

[wedonot]

In college, they'd be even more aggressive, they're old enough that they think you won't mind as much. [Give me that beer I cannot.]

I suppose the best thing to hope for right now is that she grows out of it. Fourteen year olds find a new object for the affections every other week.

[Spam]

[wecanavenge]

At least their hormones will be settled.

[Auuugh drinking time now.] Maybe you out to play matchmaker. Point her toward someone her own age.]

[Spam]

[wedonot]

Because I have so much experience with setting people up on dates.

[Spam]

[wecanavenge]

I can't get involved. What if she thinks I'm interested?

[Spam]

[wedonot]

Then politely but firmly inform her why that's never going to happen and direct her towards the guidance counselor.

[Spam]

[wecanavenge]

Let's see you try that, hm?

[Spam]

[wedonot]

You want me to speak with her now?

[Spam]

[wecanavenge]

[Aw you'd do that, what a bro.]

I'd actually much prefer to pretend it never happened.

[Spam]

[wedonot]

[He's just going to be toasting you with his bottle.] I can certainly get behind that.

[Spam]

[wecanavenge]

Cheers. [And he's taking a long drink.] I hate high school. Why on earth did I come back?

[Spam]

[wedonot]

Because you're a good teacher, when you're not shoving students off the roof.

[Spam]

[wecanavenge]

I'll have you know I'm a t my best when I'm shoving students off roofs.

[Spam]

[wedonot]

You certainly have a way of motivating them. [Because you know. Gravity will do that.]

But I'm serious. You're a very capable teacher.

[Spam]

[wecanavenge]

Don't knock it, it works.

[He waves a hand dismissively.] Yes, well. I assume they would have fired me, other wise.]