wecanavenge | ✘ | 007

[Filtered away from Ivy]

[And early evening on Saturday, when he's sure he'll be able to catch the majority of the student body, everyone's device is going to light up and make noise. Because there will be no claims of ignorance on this since Erik has to give this speech; if he gets to deal with this subject, then so do you.]

Attention, students. Yes, all of you. Put down your video games and, yes, even your homework for the next five minutes, or I'll be forced to call an assembly. I know you don't want to waste your Saturday night in the auditorium anymore than I do.

[He clears his throat, and looks awkward for just a moment before rolling his eyes. How he pulled this lot he doesn't know, but he's going to have a little fun with it. Maybe a tiny bit unprofessionally but WHO'S JUDGING.]

You can all thank Mr. Kirk for this lovely discussion we're about to have, but it's come to my attention that the start of year request to avoid overly friendly interactions with our current forest protector wasn't quite enough for your simple minds to grasp. It's fallen to me [for some reason 8|] to remind you all that it would be best to stay out of the forest entirely. She does not take well to harm to her plants, and the school does not take well to calls from hysterical parents, asking how their perfect darling could possibly have developed poison ivy down there.

[And a pause where he pinches the bridge of his nose because maybe you assholes still aren't getting the picture, AND HE IS NOT DOING THIS AGAIN.]

Once more, students: Do not have sex with Ivy. Do not have sex with her in the forest. Do not have sex with her outside the forest. Do not find a loophole in which to have sex with her. Do avoid the forest all together. Do attend class, and study, and get back to your homework.

[And though he would DESPERATELY LOVE to leave it at that, he has to tack this on:] Are there any questions?

[He somehow sounds incredibly bored while managing to get across that anyone who actually asks may find themselves shoved off the roof in their next flight lesson.]

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[She frowns, but she looks more pouty and sulky than actually pissed off because okay yes she knows that seducing students isn't exactly kosher.]

I have never given anybody a rash, and I don't appreciate you using some imagined toxicity on my part as a scare tactic.

[Also, Erik, your crotch might be itching slightly and the sooner you apologize the sooner it'll stop.]

Because I have so much experience with setting people up on dates.

[You are just the worst Ivy.]

Maybe I just don't enjoy sharing you. [Because he would so rather lighten this mood than focus on dear god why itching.]

I hardly meant to insult you, only to keep them away.

You'll be observing it from detention if you keep it up.

I can't get involved. What if she thinks I'm interested?

Seriously? You'd give a student detention for displaying a healthy hormonal interest in other people?

[Soooomeone's forgotten he's fifteen again.]

[SIGH]

Mister Stark, you are fifteen, and the person in question is a magical guardian of the forest. I would give you detention unreservedly.

Hey, just saying. You'd bow to people if you were going to Japan, right? Same difference.

[Only not. And just for the record, he hasn't even met this ~magical guardian~ okay. He's just... being an ass just for the sake of it.]

[And now Steve's just quietly facepalming.]

Tony, quit it.

Well, I can tell you right now which of the two you've accomplished. Boys don't hear the word 'no', they just see a gauntlet being thrown down.

[Getting worse? Yes? Not hearing the S-word yet.]

And James got exactly what was coming to him and no more.

[You are his least favorite student. B|]

Do yourself a favor and walk away from this conversation.

Then politely but firmly inform her why that's never going to happen and direct her towards the guidance counselor.

[He's just totally grinning as he glances over at Steve.]

He totally asked for it.

I don't want to hear anything about what James got.

[CUT THIS OUT IT IS GETTING V. UNCOMFORTABLE.]

Ivy-- [This is just going to get more miserable isn't it asdkjh] I'm sorry. I didn't want to make this announcement in the first place.

[Now why would that be?]

You asked if we had questions. Inquiring minds want to know, sir.

Let's see you try that, hm?

Inquiring minds would also like to know if you'd prefer to serve your detention tonight writing 'I must not be a smartass' one thousand times, or if you'd rather help clean the kitchens.

You want me to speak with her now?

[Aw you'd do that, what a bro.]

I'd actually much prefer to pretend it never happened.

[He's just going to be toasting you with his bottle.] I can certainly get behind that.

No, he didn't.

Cheers. [And he's taking a long drink.] I hate high school. Why on earth did I come back?

Because you're a good teacher, when you're not shoving students off the roof.

Aww, I get a choice? [... God being an asshole is fun.] Kitchens. And if I can get an answer, I'll show up without calling dad.

[He's like a Draco Malfoy if he'd been put in Gryffindor, unfortunately enough.]

[Yeah, see, that? Is him throwing a sock at you. You're such a stupid spoil sport.]

He asked for questions, Steve. About a sex nymph.

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