wecanavenge | ✘ | 017

[All backdated to just after the flood!]

[Private to Pietro]

I know you're here, and I'm certain you're aware I am. [A beat. He's trying, but trying is hard especially when he has no idea how to broach this. It hasn't gone spectacularly with Anya or Wanda in the past.]

It's not a very big ship. And I'm obviously not the man you know. We could continue to avoid each other, if that's what you'd like. [He cracks a dry half-smile.] But I've found it's better not to assume anything, here.

[Private to Wanda]

[He took a while before turning the feed on for this, so he's perfectly composed. She doesn't need to see or deal with his issues; he wants to say this, and let it lie.]

I'm sorry. I haven't done a very good job of being easy to tolerate. You deserve better.

[Private to Alex]

I still don't expect your trust anytime soon.

[Private to Ivy]

[There is far too much kid drama here, so it's clearly time for something much less family oriented.]

'Generally regarded as sex on legs.' [Your warden, Ivy, he's very amusing to troll.]

[Private to Charles]

[Jesus Christ buddy we have got some stuff to talk about.] I spoke to Anya during the flood.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Of course I do. [He is not entirely sure he meant to say that, but there's no taking it back now B(]

Do you really think Charles was the only one who gave a damn about teaching you all?

No, I don't. I know you did. But you had other goals by the end. Or the whole way through. I don't know.

The only goal I had was Shaw. That doesn't mean I didn't want to see you kids properly trained.

[Thinking Shaw was right now just kind of makes him sick, but he can't quite bring himself to point that out.]

You saw us trained and then you left. He was gone and you left to finish doing the shit he wanted to do. Ultimately what that means is all of us, Sean and Hank and me and Charles, weren't as important as your little crusade.

We got him to the hospital. I sat with him. I did. And I know you're sorry you weren't there, and that's great, but there's a big difference between the guy who found me rotting in prison and the guy who took off into the sunset and left us [me, Erik, he means me] on a beach in Cuba.

[He hesitates for a second, and then allows:] There's a difference between both of them and whoever you are now, too. But I'll trust you when I trust you. Okay?

[When, not if, is the best he can do.]

[Oh my god alex why are you doing this to him.

He has been feeling things and he would like it to stop pls.

He wants to say he didn't know, that it was a year ago, now, but that the last thing he remembers is the beach, is Charles cementing the fact that they did not want the same thing, that they could not keep working together - that things would never be as they'd been. He's gone through that before, he knew when to break ties, how to self-protect and stay alive, but he'd protected himself first, and left all of them out in the cold.

It's a good thing this is voice, it lets him run his hands over his face and rub his eyes, because this is the old exhausting argument, only he won't have it with Alex. So he exhales slowly, and nods though he know Alex can't see it.]

Okay.

[Yep. That's it. No speeches if feels are involved.]

Thanks.

[For giving him space, for if not really understanding at least pretending to understand, for not acting anymore, at least for this second, like leaving them on the beach was the right thing to do. For not lying to him right now. And for not pulling any mutant and proud bullshit. They'd been strong together, now they're just . . . scattered, and it isn't right.]

[He wants to just turn off the feed now, but he doesn't want to be cruel and he doesn't want to abandon Erik like they were abandoned, so he grits his teeth and nods, too, because Erik can't see it.]

If you want it, you'll get it.

[Which is kind of a "prove it," but mostly a promise.]

[He was ready to leave it there, to click his feed off, and his thumb is actually hovering over the button when Alex speaks again. It's unexpected, and he's silent for a moment more. Maybe Alex meant 'prove it,' but Erik hears 'earn it,' and he presses his lips together in a thin line like some shield against his frustration - with this place, with Alex and Charles and Toshiko and a dozen people, but mostly with the fact that he can't outright say he has earned it. Mostly with himself.]

Then we'll talk again.

We'll talk again.

[His voice is firm. The radio silence sucked for both of them, and he doesn't want to do it again.]

[He nods again, this time only for himself, so it doesn't matter that Alex can't see. He's not the man who brought Alex out of prison, and he isn't the one who left with Shaw's people, so what is he now?

There's nothing else to say, and Erik - Erik needs to think about that. So he leaves it there, and clicks off his feed.]

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