✘ | 007 | VIDEO

[wecanavenge]

[Filtered away from Ivy]

[And early evening on Saturday, when he's sure he'll be able to catch the majority of the student body, everyone's device is going to light up and make noise. Because there will be no claims of ignorance on this since Erik has to give this speech; if he gets to deal with this subject, then so do you.]

Attention, students. Yes, all of you. Put down your video games and, yes, even your homework for the next five minutes, or I'll be forced to call an assembly. I know you don't want to waste your Saturday night in the auditorium anymore than I do.

[He clears his throat, and looks awkward for just a moment before rolling his eyes. How he pulled this lot he doesn't know, but he's going to have a little fun with it. Maybe a tiny bit unprofessionally but WHO'S JUDGING.]

You can all thank Mr. Kirk for this lovely discussion we're about to have, but it's come to my attention that the start of year request to avoid overly friendly interactions with our current forest protector wasn't quite enough for your simple minds to grasp. It's fallen to me [for some reason 8|] to remind you all that it would be best to stay out of the forest entirely. She does not take well to harm to her plants, and the school does not take well to calls from hysterical parents, asking how their perfect darling could possibly have developed poison ivy down there.

[And a pause where he pinches the bridge of his nose because maybe you assholes still aren't getting the picture, AND HE IS NOT DOING THIS AGAIN.]

Once more, students: Do not have sex with Ivy. Do not have sex with her in the forest. Do not have sex with her outside the forest. Do not find a loophole in which to have sex with her. Do avoid the forest all together. Do attend class, and study, and get back to your homework.

[And though he would DESPERATELY LOVE to leave it at that, he has to tack this on:] Are there any questions?

[He somehow sounds incredibly bored while managing to get across that anyone who actually asks may find themselves shoved off the roof in their next flight lesson.]

Comments

[Spam]

[wecanavenge]

I'll have you know I'm a t my best when I'm shoving students off roofs.

[Spam]

[wedonot]

You certainly have a way of motivating them. [Because you know. Gravity will do that.]

But I'm serious. You're a very capable teacher.

[wecanavenge]

You'll report to my office tonight, and every night for the next week to do lines, then. [Ignoring the threat of your father because fuck your father you pompous little shit. B|]

[Spam]

[wecanavenge]

Don't knock it, it works.

[He waves a hand dismissively.] Yes, well. I assume they would have fired me, other wise.]

[Spam]

[wedonot]

Just take the compliment, Erik.

[aggravating]

[Wait. Erik. You're letting this kid in your office? For the time it takes to write lines?

... Your funeral, man.]

Sir, yes sir.

[Spam]

[wecanavenge]

Thank you Charles, I do appreciate it.

[wecanavenge]

[He will probably consider murder a thousand times. And Erik is killing the conversation there before Tony has a chance to go on. B|]

[Spam]

[wedonot]

You're welcome. Now, how exactly did you get assigned this particular task? [Does he need to jinx someone for you.]

[Video]

[sharpsuitfluffytail]

[Carefully, very carefully, he's trying to hide his chuckles. Yeah, he sees your convo with Tony there.]

Fat chance of that happening. You really trust him in your office for any length of time?

[sharpsuitfluffytail]

Bit too eager there, sport.

[Unrelated younger bro, why you gotta be such a jerk? He's oddly proud, actually.]

[aggravating]

[Oh, hey dude he swears is a weird lovechild and really wouldn't be too surprised about it, what with his family.]

Just gives me more time to get an answer, Koz.

[sharpsuitfluffytail]

[He was born from a couple that even magic users frown upon. If they're related, the only surprising thing would be if Tony's parents were both human.]

Ever hear of hands-on research? Look into it. The library has a wealth of information on this subject, I'm sure.

[Go taste the forbidden fruit, maybe-bro, is what he's saying here.]

action;

[thestarspangledman]

That doesn't mean you had to give him some.

[yeahscience]

...So, uh, does that mean that Kirk...

Private

[cujothebigreddog]

It is not really poison ivy.

[Helpful and currently somewhat dazed Hendricks is helpful and currently somewhat dazed.]

[demigoddess]

[ She's laughing for almost a good long minute. ]

Oh my god, this school. I cannot wait for the backlash.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but I'm gonna go ahead and try to forward this to everyone in my phone who's not a student right now. [ Or maybe she'll just save it. ]

[Private]

[chlorophylliac]

[Hmph hmph hmph well you've apologized so okay it can stop now.]

I want your stuffy friend doing it next time. Don't go making a hypocrite of yourself.

[Implications: yes there will be a need for a next time, no you are not banned from the woods forever.]

[chlorophylliac]

As a matter of fact it does not.

man just jacking up all these threads

[chlorophylliac]

A 'plant woman'?

...crabs?

[Steph, you have about five seconds to reword with respect to the fact that Ivy has been around here since before your species' progenitors crawled out of the ocean.]

[yeahscience]

[He's just going to be laughing his ass off over here, anyway.]

[chlorophylliac]

[Well, she likes laughter, but certainly not at her expense. Okay so it was probably Kirk's, but she doesn't like your disrespect. Or your hair. Enjoy your two weeks of complete immunity to plant-based recreational and medicinal substances; hope you don't get hurt, because 90% of the healers' potion cabinet is useless to you right now.]

[yeahscience]

[He's going to care a lot less about that than he will when he realizes that his WEED is BROKEN. Which happens in like two seconds, as his carefully-cultivated high abruptly vanishes into nothing.]

What the hell...?

[chlorophylliac]

[No response here; maybe if you can summon up an apology she'll go easy on you.]

[yeahscience]

[Unfortunately, that would require that he actually make the connection between his laughing at Kirk and his weed suddenly fizzling out on him... and that's not likely to happen all too soon, not on his own. He frowns and signs off, because even he's not stupid enough to get caught toking up on the network itself... even if said toke is now going to be roughly as effective as smoking cardboard.]