[Too hard, but he doesn't try to pull away even though he immediately shakes his head, because it was his fault, for the Vanquish at least, and he just hates what being here has done to him, so he shakes his head again, struggling to find words.] I'm, I should- I should have- Erik-
[It's almost scary, to feel everything finally fall apart and not be able to scramble and pick the pieces back up, and it almost feels like he's just collapsing on Erik when he hugs him and actually starts to cry, because he's overwhelmed and frustrated with himself and everyone else on board, and scared, and utterly failing at coping with the memories this had dragged up, and he does still feel responsible.
Deny it all you want, but if he'd been healthy, he could have at least had a chance of getting away from the Vanquish in time.
But it becomes apparent that this is just as much to comfort as it is looking for some, because there's a fierceness under the desperation and despair. He might be a mess right now, in this moment, but he wants to help, wants to do anything to make this better, to make people stop treating this like it wasn't a big deal, to stop them from acting like Erik was some comic book villain who deserved to be hurt for what he'd done, because he doesn't deserve it, he doesn't deserve this. There's no question that Charles loves him more than anyone or anything, and he just wants Erik to be happy and safe, because he deserves it, and it kills him that this keeps happening and he's powerless to do anything about it.
So he tried to project that, that he's loved and cared for and will always, always have an advocate in Charles, and grits his teeth for a moment, drawing in a few short, quick breaths, trying to force himself to stop sobbing and get back under control, apology tinging the edge of his thoughts because really, this was just a catastrophe.]
[Spam]
[It's almost scary, to feel everything finally fall apart and not be able to scramble and pick the pieces back up, and it almost feels like he's just collapsing on Erik when he hugs him and actually starts to cry, because he's overwhelmed and frustrated with himself and everyone else on board, and scared, and utterly failing at coping with the memories this had dragged up, and he does still feel responsible.
Deny it all you want, but if he'd been healthy, he could have at least had a chance of getting away from the Vanquish in time.
But it becomes apparent that this is just as much to comfort as it is looking for some, because there's a fierceness under the desperation and despair. He might be a mess right now, in this moment, but he wants to help, wants to do anything to make this better, to make people stop treating this like it wasn't a big deal, to stop them from acting like Erik was some comic book villain who deserved to be hurt for what he'd done, because he doesn't deserve it, he doesn't deserve this. There's no question that Charles loves him more than anyone or anything, and he just wants Erik to be happy and safe, because he deserves it, and it kills him that this keeps happening and he's powerless to do anything about it.
So he tried to project that, that he's loved and cared for and will always, always have an advocate in Charles, and grits his teeth for a moment, drawing in a few short, quick breaths, trying to force himself to stop sobbing and get back under control, apology tinging the edge of his thoughts because really, this was just a catastrophe.]